Global War on Keyboardists

News out of CENTCOM has been making its way through the right-wingosphere recently, and I don't mean the news about CENTCOM endorsing chickenhawks. Oh no no no:

This is a frank admission that the only effect that AQ [al-Qaida] has made is to convince the media -- presumably the American media -- that the situation cannot be controlled, despite their acknowledgement that they represent nothing more than a nuisance.

Well, through our own confidential source, working deep undercover and identifying himself only as "Noz" we have recently procured the following document:



...which we at team Coeruleus have been able to accurately translate. The letter starts out with the customary opening greetings amongst terrorists these days, like "Yo 'Sama, 'sup?" and the like. The part we would like to emphasize here, however, is found in the second paragraph:

It has recently come to our attention that the US military is planning to incorporate a new branch into the service called the 101st Fighting Keyboardists. Numbering up to 300 strong this considerable force does not use conventional weapons of warfare, choosing instead to remotely fight their war via keyboard from the comfort of their own homes. Using secret code words like "MSM" and "Islamofascist" they seek to turn public opinion against us and our liberal allies around the world. They get especially upset when a program called "blogger" is down for a few hours. I propose that we can use this to our advantage. First, we need to devote resources to counter this mounting threat on the internet, possibly up to 300 mujahidin should become "cyber-mujahid." Secondly, we should take note of every instance of downtime at Blogger and other blog-hosting sites and claim responsibility; regardless of whether we actually launched a denial-of-service attack or not, this will keep the 101st trembling with fear at the thought of us taking away their weapon of choice.

As you can tell, the threat posed by cyber-jihadis is real, but luckily the 101st was at the battle scene first and is tanned, rested and ready to fight.