Environment unpopular amongst Americans

WASHINGTON--An independent poll conducted by the American Enterprise Institute has found that Americans prefer big cars over clean air and water. "An overwhelming majority of Americans (51%) polled in our random sampling of Texans and Oklahomans favored larger cars over any other conceivable measure to increase liveability," Roger Bates of AEI told reporters last week. When given the choice between a Hummer and clean air the responses were slightly more favorable (52%) towards the Hummer compared to other measures such as clean water, predictable weather patterns, and the ability to hold industry accountable for major calamities such as oil spills and toxic clouds by the use of class-action lawsuits. "People just don't want government or trial lawyers messing with their god-given right to pollute," concluded Bates.

Thursday, a series of new proposals quickly passed through committee in the House, including the deregulation of drilling practices that might adversely affect water quality, according to extremist paranoid leftist reactionaries. "We need to take action against the misguided policies of our past," Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) said in an interview "real Americans just don't want science and trial lawyers pointing out that Hummers and Ford Excursions are anything but highly desirable commuter vehicles. That's why we in Congress feel compelled to act now to dismantle every shred of legal boundaries between the people and their SUVs for good."