cell phone toting dissident terrorist zombies

This site puts it all into context:

The modern American Democratic Party has long symbolized selflessness, compassion, socialism, high taxes, and general queerness. Embracing such leaders as convicted fake war hero John Kerry and ambulance-chasing John Edwards, the Democrats have always erred on the side of pussiness. Such non-confrontational pussiness may be critical when trying to convince a college coed to give you a hand job, but when it comes to cracking shamblor skulls with whatever’s handy, it is in fact a notable weakness – just like Medicare and Social Security.

However, there is hope:

In recent years, with the waning popularity of civil rights, personal freedoms, and a fair and impartial court system, the Republican Party has flexed its political will on behalf of the people of America. Republicans have led the fight against Terrorism (which in turn includes “terror”, and let’s be brutally frank – one can’t have true terror without shamblors), and their increased efforts to tighten our borders against both Canadian zombies (“Maplors”) and Messican zombies (“Somberors”) have created a safer America.

Pennsylvania hero-senator Rick Santorum spoke at a recent “Focus on the Family” event in Scranton. From his speech:

"Every day, I pray for America. I pray for the wealthy families who struggle daily to earn a twelve percent return on their investments. I pray for our soldiers who are constantly emptying clips into shameless heathens who have the audacity to pray to the moon-god Allah. But, most of all, I pray that if this nation should EVER be threatened by zombies, we’ll shoot first and pray later. That’s why I propose curtailing the right to privacy and a ban on cheerleading."

Now we hear from trusted sources that Mullors, in cooperation with their close allies, the Qaedors have been instructing sleeper Shamblor cells--some of whom might be mistaken as Somberors due to their illegal route of entry into the country--to buy copious numbers of disposable cell phones so they can communicate with the master Shamblor free from warrantless NSA detection. The master Shamblor, aka "Zawaharor", is known to reside here (see Shamblor entrance):



From his underground lair, the master Shamblor will determine ZH0H, the zombie holocaust zero hour, defined as the exact moment when zombie apocalypse occurs, and communicate this information to Shamblors worldwide through their disposable cell phones. In numerous well-reasoned pieces to be found over the years in the National Review, honorable post-McCarthyists have pointed out that while Joe Smith has nothing to worry about when it comes to warrantless eavesdropping on Samblors, the liberal MSM is clearly responsible for bringing about ZH0H. And not only that, a direct conspiracy between liberals and the master Shamblor has not gone unnoticed. It is becoming ever more clear that we must attack the Chavez-Iran-North Korea-Qaeda-master Shamblor axis of zombie before it's too late.