The World according to Wankers

Shorter Jonah Goldberg, Don Surber, and Belmont Club:

Why can't these so-called "scientists" make shit up that tosses our side a bone?

To clear things up a bit for our wankers, may I present Canada:

Figure 1: Circled area denotes region with plentiful seals but no-longer-plentiful sea ice. Polar bears aren't doing so well here.

Figure 2: Circled area denotes region with plentiful seals and sea ice. Polar bears are still doing well, but if it continues to warm up, see figure 1.

Figure 3: Circled area denotes regions without seals and sea ice. Polar bears can be found in zoos.