Tightey Whiteys

As we approach the final days of the primaries, we find ourselves peering into the future and crunching the numbers in a race to the Presidency that's literally tearing the Democrat party apart at the seams. Deep divisions abound between the Hillary and Obama camps over policy and electability and Democrats on either side of this debate seem unwilling to budge from their favorite candidate. Could this be another contest where superdelegate saves the day?

In an ironic twist to the historic Democratic nominating contest between an African American and a woman, the balance of power may be held by a more familiar face: the white male.

According to a Politico analysis, close to half of the 700-plus Democratic superdelegates who could end up determining the party nominee are white men.

One Obama superdelegate, a House member, had sharp criticism for the superdelegate racial and gender make-up, a reaction that reflects the sensitivities surrounding the issue.

“It’s still the old guard, the white men. They always want to control the outcome,” the superdelegate said. “But this time, they won’t be able to do it.”

That strong response could portend a messy intra-party fight in the event that superdelegates cast the decisive votes for the nominee.

Astute political observers have already likened this fight to the 2000 Presidential election.

Supremedelegates

Luckily for Obama, the internets contain a handy guide to help him appear more in touch with the superdelegates.

They like to count things like stars in the sky and the death toll at Mt. Everest and the number of times they’ve seen Tori Amos and/or Phish in concert. Counting the number of black friends is then clearly a divine imperative. The number of black friends white people possess also illustrates their comfort with black culture. Here’s a handy guide to the number system:

1—The white novice. This black friend is the gateway to helping white people understand gang signs and Vietnamese beauty supply stores. This black friend is probably the only black friend for many white people and when they all hang out (because white people hang out) they bring their “mutual” black friend with them.

2—The white black club-goer. Two black friends serve as bodyguards when white people go to black clubs to see how exactly one “pops, drops and locks” it.

3 -4—The white BET-er. See Justin Timberlake/ Robin Thicke/ Jon B for more information. For old school reference, see Michael McDonald.

5 and up—Impossible.

However, one commenter points out the cold reality Obama will eventually have to face:

I have to admit, this site needs to be called “stuff liberal hippies like” since it basically encompasses everything an anti-american, liberal, Berkeley loving, sandal and tie dye wearing, New York Time reading hippie would like. Other than that I absolutely love this site, these liberal creeps do display such contradictions with everything…I love the holding high diversity but sending their ids to private schools. These people needs to get to work and contribute to society.

Thus far, Obama has not revealed whether his Id was sent to public or private school, but going forward his objective will need to be to convince an entirely different set of delegates that he is one of them.


To acomplish this, Obama will have to show that he too enjoys domestic beer, processed food, big corporations, the heartland, red meat, Rush Limbaugh, Fox News Sunday and tricked out trucks. It's a long road ahead. Can he do it? Time will tell!